“Annual Health Checkup” – Because Apparently, You Might Die Any Minute.

  The annual health checkup—a sacred ritual where hospitals and healthcare institutions generously remind you that you’re probably dying unless you pay them to confirm you’re probably fine. How thoughtful!  

Every year, like mangoes in summer and politicians before elections, “Comprehensive Annual Health Checkups” magically appear in your inbox, on your phone, and occasionally in your dreams. 

Let’s break down this brilliant business model disguised as "preventive care." 

The Philosophy: More Is More (and Less is Medical Negligence) 

Gone are the days when your doctor asked how you felt. Now it’s: 

“Let’s do a full panel—just to be safe.” 
Translation: We don’t really think you’re sick, but we need to find something wrong to justify the bill. 

Feeling perfectly fine? That’s cute. Let’s still screen you for Vitamin D, B12, HIV, hepatitis, autoimmunity, a scan to see if your soul is still intact and a test for ancient Aryan DNA. Fun Fact: Half these tests have zero relevance unless you’re a 60-year-old chain-smoker with a diet of pure butter. But hey, early detection means early billing, right? 

The "Surprise! You may have a Problem" Strategy 

You now have slightly elevated bilirubin, which leads to a liver ultrasound, which leads to a "tiny lesion", which leads to a CT scan, which leads to a GI consult… and just like that, you're down ₹20,000.  

Or your test results show slightly elevated cholesterol? RED ALERT! You’re now a "high-risk patient" who needs immediate lifestyle changes (and, conveniently, more follow-up tests). Never mind that the "normal range" for these tests keeps shrinking every decade but you’ll be convinced that you are one biryani away from a fatal heart attack.  

How the Drama Unfolds: The "Concerned Doctor" Routine 

Scene: You walk in with your 80-test report. 
Doctor (with furrowed brow): “Hmmm. Your uric acid is 6.9. That’s... slightly concerning.” 
You: “Should I worry?” 
Doctor (grabbing prescription pad): “We’ll just get a few more tests to rule things out…” 

Translation: 

“You look healthy, but we need to keep you on the hook, just in case you forget to panic.” 

The True Diagnosis: "Hyperinvestigatosis Profitica" 

Also known as Chronic Overdiagnosis Syndrome. Mostly affects: 

• Type A professionals who confuse health with lab reports 

• Gym bros who believe in annual Testosterone panels 

• Anyone who’s ever searched “Is low alkaline phosphatase fatal?” 

Who Actually Needs Screening? (Spoiler: Not Everyone) 

If you are under 40, non-smoker, no family history or symptoms, stay away from this charade.  

If you have any risk factors, talk to a family physician or a general practitioner. Spare the super specialists for when you really need them, find a friendly neighborhood doctor who has patience to “listen” (Listen not just hear) to all your crap and get their advice on what tests may be suitable for you. 

The next time you’re offered a “comprehensive” package, remember sometimes the only thing getting a real workout is your credit card. Your body is not a subscription plan, and health doesn’t require an annual bloodletting, it requires a healthy lifestyle, a sense of proportion and occasionally a doctor who says, "You’re fine. Go live your life.”  

SkeptiDoc